Things to Come

With Moira on the mend and a clear path set for the final gauntlet of treatment (radiation), we have started to set our sights back on our "regular" life. We have some new goals in mind. Fitting in some travel in 2010 is tops on our list. Moira loves to travel and we are notorious for:

1. daydreaming
2. setting a goal
3. getting nervous
4. finding excuses
5. backing down, and 
6. ultimately disappointing ourselves. 

For instance, while we love Grand Rapids...our weekend jaunt there to celebrate Moira's completion of chemotherapy was originally a week-long trip to New York via air travel. It became a week-long road trip. Then a road trip to DC instead, for only 4 days. Then, maybe Chicago....you catch my drift.

Some of this was created by the residual effect of Moira having been out of work (thanks, Dataspace...ARRGGHH). Ahem. Well, thanks to getDowntown, that isn’t an issue anymore! Regardless of the reason, it is time to stop making excuses and start making plans. I'm taking decisive action. First off, I am going to join a group of new friends from the cancer fighting community here in Ann Arbor and run a half marathon in New Orleans, with Moira in support, in February. We will be raising money to celebrate and support the Wellness Community of Southeast Michigan.

For my newer readers, I'll just recap quickly by stating that the Wellness Community is a network of non-profit cancer support organizations that provide free counseling, education, groups, and resources for cancer fighters like Moira and helpers like me. More on this later...I'll need your help (and if you can spare a few bucks, your generosity). This is a valuable organization that made a world of difference for us. I have some personal anecdotes from our Wellness Community experience that I'm saving for a new "profiles" feature I'll be adding to the website I'm building for this effort. Stay tuned.

Yeah, about that website. I was able to register a great domain name that really captures the fun and enthusiasm of what Moira and I have planned, and is super easy to spell, find, and remember. It isn't live just yet (look in a few days, I'll post a new entry for the introduction), but the addy for the Branigan cancer fighting website will be:

www.rundowncancer.org

Now, on to the real running. I have my first real 10k this weekend. I'm feeling pretty good about it, I think, although my last training run was a little slower than I would have liked. It is so tough to stay quick running on your own. Listening to books on tape doesn't help either. What do you guys listen to when you exercise to keep the energy level high? It isn't that I couldn't run quicker...I just didn't, and didn't even realize it until I was home. Some of it was related to the lousy GPS reception in my heavily treed neighborhood (my route on RunKeeper showed me running through a few houses...either not very accurate, or the police are still looking for me). But honestly, I think I actually managed about 8:45 a mile, when my regular training pace is more like 8:15 these days, Well, I'll see how it shakes out on Saturday morning.

The good news is that I am a full 30 pounds lighter than when I started this odyssey. 235 down to 205. They say that every pound lost is like 3 pounds of pressure reduced for every footfall when running. Consequently, 30 pounds feels like 90 pounds less impact pressure on your knees. Accurate or not, I feel way better when I run and my joints are finally catching up with the cardiovascular fitness I have developed this year. With a little extra training and a few more months, I think I'll be in a great position to really run quickly, safely, and for pretty darn long distances. I'm actually going to be training at Sparrow Athletic in Kerrytown, as Josh (a trainer there and a former Wellness Community Strides for Hope participant) has offered his services free of charge for those of us in training for New Orleans. Sweet. From what I hear, he'll whip my you-know-what into real shape. Let's hope I can keep up.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. We are nearing the end of a long, dark tunnel and your love and friendship keeps our eyes on the prize. Moira is humbled by you all, and so am I. I know she'll crank through this radiation and she, Leo, and I will have more than ever to celebrate on Thanksgiving Day this year.

Ups and Downs and Ups and Downs

It’s been a week since Moira’s surgery.  In that time we have had some very happy moments…like coming home on Saturday afternoon and seeing our beaming little boy.  We also had some pretty low moments as well…like Moira feeling tired and awful and more than a little sad about what she had to sacrifice to beat cancer.

I had a few highs and lows that were all mine, too.  At my company we had some success getting new work, but we are clearly going to have to work overtime to get it completed by a tight deadline, and the project is already rearing its ugly, stressful head.  That was a high and a low. Running and fitness wise, it was mostly highs…I ran two personal distance records…about 7.1 miles on Saturday evening (with my folks at home with Moira) and then a crazy 8.2 miles late Tuesday night with one of my very best friends, Brian.  On top of that I tipped the scales at 209 this Monday morning at the YMCA, my official weigh-in time and spot…26 pounds lost since I started about 16 weeks ago.

Then, I got busy at work, missed a potential planned run last night (rain, too much to do) and I was sort of feeling down about stalling again when I woke up this morning.  This running and getting in shape business may not be on a par with beating cancer or keeping our company working, but it is my little personal battle and I want to stay on top of it.  In fact, without all of this, I’d be a total wreck.  Stress and I just do not mix.  While I am still prone to low spots and the occasional stressful outburst, it must be said that running and these milestones I am reaching are getting me through this summer.

I remember hearing once that you can either be really happy or really sad, but neither will ever last very long.  I think that is true.  To think about ALWAYS being sad is too much to bear…and to think about ALWAYS being happy is too much to expect.  I think some people veer more one way that the other, and some people stay closer to the middle.  And me?  My chart would read like the Grand Tetons (sharply up, sharply down, and hardly any middle ground. I’m getting better, though).

On the subject of ups and downs, my heart is a little beat up today.  Our friends Phil and Cassie started their second week of chemo for Phil’s multiple myeloma this week and had some side effects that sidelined him.  I know what that is like…you have all the optimism and conviction in the world...then that trip to the ER makes everything seem real again.  Stupid cancer.  It is tough to watch your friends hit those roadblocks that cancer and chemotherapy throw at you, but they are handling them well. Don't forget to visit their blog and buy a bracelet. MMFD

I’m hoping for at least a little sustained “up” this coming week.  My mom is with us until tomorrow, so I think I will be able to hit the road and run a good 5 miler tonight, and this weekend we should get a heck of a lot accomplished on those work projects.  Then, we have Moira’s second full week after surgery and she is already about 80% recovered, I would guess, so next week she’ll be bouncing off the walls.  She shocked the resident in radiation oncology yesterday, who saw her and then did a double take when looking at the surgery date on her chart.  “Seriously, 6 days ago?” was how he started, then he hit her with all the flattery he could, without overstepping his bounds. She deserves every single bit of it.  No matter the stress and challenges we have faced, and how low down and dirty the street fight with cancer has become, she has gotten to this point with poise, grace, and courage, and she remains my hero.

I’m going to cap off this “up” week with my first official 10k race, in Belding, Michigan.  It is the Nike Human Race, which is a neat concept.  Hundreds of races, each with thousands of runners, take place at the same time all around the world, and then the results are all combined to see how everyone did on the world stage.  Looking forward to seeing where I rank.  My 5k record is now 24:57, but I chugged out over 7 and 8 miles on those runs last week.  With that distance under me, how fast can I do the 10k?  Brian and I did our 8.2 miler at an 8:40 per mile pace, with some stops for traffic lights slowing us down.  Maybe if I shoot for an 8:30 pace I can hit the sub-53 minute mark.  Let’s set that as a goal.  If I run it in 50 minutes or less, though, I’m buying a Zingerman’s brownie. Or two.

Waiting Room

I told myself all week that it would be therapeutic for me to write while I waited for Moira's surgery to be done.  The jury is still out on that, to be honest, because I can't really think of anything that could make me feel better right now.  We have been here since about 6 in the morning and it looks like we will be here just one night for observation before we get to go home.  It feels like I've been here a week.  Of course, this is visit 20-something this year, so no news there.  I may as well have my own mailbox and parking space.

I just want to observe, especially for any of my friends in the health care business, that you really have an opportunity to make or break a patient's day.  Seriously, I know you must think about it, but when a nurse or admin person is off their game they can really add a TON of stress to an otherwise very stressful day.  Thankfully, Nurse Mike was a champ today and really took great care of us.  It is an art form of the highest degree to set aside anything that may be on your own mind that day and focus on these patients. I mean, at my job I have an office and I choose when I talk to people, a luxury that I take for granted.

The nurse station gave me a pager like you get at a franchise restaurant.  It looks like a big coaster and will buzz when Dr. Breslin is ready to come out.  I hate this thing already because I just want the damn thing to buzz so I can see Moira and start the process of getting all this garbage behind us.

I'm sorry if this entry is a little less focused and composed than some of my others.  I'm off my game, of course, and my mind is racing even more than it usually does.  For those of you close to me, you know that is certainly saying something.  Of course, for those of you that know me well, you'd probably be astonished at how quiet I am today.  Usually you can't shut me up, but today I have so little to say.  Just prayers, I guess.

Speaking of prayers, thanks for yours.  I have a favor to ask, though...can you add one for my buddy Phil and his family?  Phil is a great guy and a new friend.  His wife Cassie and their two beautiful kids are supporting him through Multiple Myeloma.  Actually, cancer sucks and doesn't deserve capitaization, so let's go with multiple myeloma instead.  Read up on it...it sucks.  They'll be here for a chemo infusion later in the day and I'm going to bounce over to the Cancer Center and see them.  Check out his blog (link at the bottom), it's awesome...seriously, this family is an inspiration for us.

Still no pager buzz, but then again I have at least two more hours to go.  I wish I had Leo here.  The surgical waiting room is no place for a little guy, though...I'm just being selfish and I wish I had his hugs handy.  I'm so anxious to have this behind us, anxious for the cancer to be GONE.  Most of all, though, I'm hearbroken at how helpless I feel.  I wish it was me in there and Moira out here.  She's a brave girl, folks. 

Phil's and Cassie's blog: Kicking Cancer: Multiple Myeloma for Dummies

Big House, Big Result!

Well, week two of the fall race season and it was memorable!  I was supposed to meet up with my longtime friend Liz at a spot near the start line, but it was just a huge mob of about 10,000 runners at the Big House Big Heart 5k this morning.  Needless to say, we never found one another.  With my Wellness Community shirt on, though, I was easily spotted by other Wellness Community runners and quickly fell in with a new friend, Brian.  Brian is an intern and MSW student at the University, and with his help I ran an even faster 5k this week than I did last week.

In fact, it was a fantastic run.  The course was hilly and had a lot of turns, so there was little potential to really light it up, but I was really pleased to knock almost a minute off my personal record from last week by running a 24:57 race.  It was all because of Brian.  He had run a 25k…let me repeat that…25 kilometers (ouch!) race not too long ago, so he was ready to go today.  I stayed with him the whole way until the last 500 meters or so, when he had a bit more kick than I did at the end.  No matter, it was a new ZGB record and a very happy run.  Thanks for the motivation, camaraderie, and fun today, Brian!

After I fell across the finish line, I loosened up and took a spot on the fence near the finish line to finally see Liz and watch her come across the line.  It was a great race for her, as she was able to get a new PR as well.  I felt bad that we didn’t meet up, but we had some laughs and she did the same thing I did…once it was clear we were never going to find each other at the start, we ran our own race and did our best.

It was a real rush running through the tunnel and out into Michigan Stadium.  It was the first time I had been in there since the renovations started and the place looks HUGE now.  It was pretty cool that they had the jumbotron running, showing the runners come home.  I would have liked to stay a while longer and see some more 5k runners come home, but I had to go meet up with Moira, Barb, and Martha and the kiddos to see them off for the 1 mile fun run/walk.

My hat is off to Leo the baby.  He was a champ for the most part, and didn’t lose his mind until after Moira’s mile was done.  Luckily, I was there at the finish like to pick him up and mug for the camera.  I think after an hour or so, he was probably getting chilly and hungry, but he rocked it and Moira had fun with her friends as well.  Thanks to everyone who donated a few bucks to our run today, we love you and appreciate your generosity!

Now, running with Brian from the WC, we talked a bit about the Strides for Hope run for the Wellness Community in February.  It is a half marathon in New Orleans with a big, big fundraising goal.  13.1 miles and a minimum of (I think) about $3,000 to raise.  What do you guys think…should I do it?  We could use a fun trip to New Orleans in the middle of Winter and it would give me a good goal to shoot for over the winter.  Not only that but I could raise funds over the holidays and have folks donate to my campaign instead of getting me a gift.  We will see…let’s find out how our week goes here and see what the next month brings.

Speaking of which, Moira has her surgery on Friday and the cancer will officially be out of our lives.  It is a mix of anxiety, stress, emotion, even excitement to hit this challenge head on.  Moira is doing great.  Man, she makes me proud.  Say some prayers if you can, I know everything will go very well, but hey, it can’t hurt, right?!  It is wild…first my mom and then one year later my wife.  The two most important women in my life both beat the hell out of cancer and have inspired me to be a better person, a better dad and a better husband.  It is amazing how in the midst of challenges we find the best in ourselves in everything from work and relationships to running a race.  Thanks everyone, thanks so much.