Monday, May 17, 2010

An emotional week, a hard week, a joyful week, a powerful week. This week.

This week, on Saturday, to be exact, is the one year anniversary of Moira's diagnosis.  May 22, a date that will forever be etched into my mind, as well as hers.  I was on a long, 30+ mile bike ride.  She called me and told me the news when I was still a long way from home.  I rode back furiously, with tears literally streaming down my face.  

We have been through hell and back, like many families touched by cancer.  Today, Leo is healthy and maturing more and more daily, I am getting in shape for the first time in years, and Moira is nearly recovered.  I say nearly because I just can't put my finger on whether or not you can ever really put a punctuation mark on cancer treatment.  It seems like here and there little things creep up, small frustrations or realizations that are a result of the cancer.  Another hard fact is that Moira still admits to me that she feels like cancer could return anytime, as well. Technically, she is supposed to be just as statistically safe from breast cancer (now that she has had her rigorous treatment) as the average woman on the street, but I know she doesn't always feel that way.  I can't imagine....it was hard enough for me, but must be surreal for Moira...to think that a tough bugger like cancer could return anytime.  I pray it doesn't, and I know it won't.

There are good things, too, but we aren't exactly in that camp of cancer survivors who love to say that “cancer was a blessing."  More power to them, but to us, it wasn't a blessing - it sucked.  Of course, we did get some positives out of the experiences surrounding cancer, and witnessed some little miracles along the way.  We made new fast friends, I am working on forming a new non-profit (with local cancer hero Phil Brabbs), Moira came out of everything stronger than ever, and we have done some good for others and ourselves.  Just last weekend I raced my bike and on foot at the Chelsea Heart and Sole Race, and took 2nd place overall in the combined 13.4 mile bike/5k run "duathlon."  This time last year I was about 55 pounds heavier and constantly depressed.  I still have tough days, given the stresses and rigors of being a new dad and the spouse of someone creaming cancer, but on the whole these personal victories have taken me a long way and I can honestly say I am changed man.  Was it because of cancer?  Well, unfortunately cancer was the kick in the pants that I needed, but it was US, not cancer, that changed our lives.  Moira chose not to lie down and accept it, and I was inspired by her actions.

So how do you mark an auspicious occasion like a one-year cancer anniversary?  Well, for us it is a remarkable coincidence that the Susan Komen Detroit Race for the Cure is on Saturday morning...one year to the day from the diagnosis.  Moira and I are running together.  For once, I don't care about the finishing time; I only care about crossing the finish line with Moira...together.





5 comments:

Beth said...

We'll be thinking about all of you on Saturday!

Patti Merryman said...

Great story! And what a great way to celebrate life! You are so right -- you changed you! I have know people who have let breast cancer define who they are -- YEAH for both of you for not doing this! In the walks I do - the most amazing people are those like Moira who choose to fight! Have a great run! See you both in August.

CancerKicker said...

Zak- my hope is that 10 years from now all of this will be just a bad dream for the both of us that helped up realize our true dreams. You are an inspiration to many...keep being real.

Cassie said...

You express so well everything that I feel as a caregiver. Cancer has not been a blessing; it has been a nightmare. Our blessings have not come from a cancer diagnosis, but from the responses of other people to that diagnosis. Perhaps the biggest blessing for us through this entire ordeal? Our friendship with you and Moira. We love you guys.

Sue in Italia/In the Land Of Cancer said...

Thank you so much for your support of the Wellness Community whose programs I use as a breast cancer survivor. I too am a runner and ex-triathlete. I tried to run through treatment but had to stop every minute and rest for another five. Now I can run more than an hour without stopping but I have still lots of weight to lose. Those steroids given during treatment didn't help-cancer wasn't the weight loss opportunity one would think. Keep up the running!!! I'm often found on Warren Road. I'm quite the sight but now that I have hair, I look a little less strange.